Trauma has a way of sinking its claws into us. Deep within our psyche, not letting go. When it happens in infancy, you can’t verbalize what you’re going through or make any sense of it. Could be much later in life that the source becomes clear. I love to travel. Always have. But at the beginning of any adventure, I suffer terrible anxieties and fears. All at night. In the dark. Without reason. I feel cut off, alone and adrift, abandoned. Silly, isn’t it?
It is… but not to me. Now I have some idea of where it comes from. Started when I was two years old, having moved from the big city to the suburbs, into a different house. And I wasn’t feeling well. My sister said that she tried to feed me ice cream and I wouldn’t eat it. She was alarmed! Me…not eat?!
I had a fever. The next day I couldn’t walk normally. It turned out to be more than a fever. I had contracted polio. Off I went back to Jersey City, placed in isolation. Then hot packs, whirlpool treatments, endless exercises. This is where it all started.
The Apostle John says in his 1st epistle chapter 1 that Jesus is God’s light in this darkened world. He gives light and life to us. When we sin, as we all do, He’ll take care of all of that for us, as only He can and will. Even my weirdness, my inability to watch an old movie that has a child rejected or abandoned, even with all my failings and frailties, yet He is my life and my light.
I look to Him, knowing that He knows all about the wounds I carry in my heart. He will never throw salt on them. But like the Good Samaritan, He will tend them. He paid the price to take care of them.
Is any of this ringing true for you in your life? That it’s time to open up, airing what bothers you. You don’t have to tell me. Bring it to the Lord. It’s not like He doesn’t already know. Stop trying to clean yourself up before coming to Him for cleansing and newness. Put down your mask. Knowing where those scars come from, helps. Knowing that He carries scars too, those in His wrists and feet and side, helps me to know that Jesus understands. I feel so much better already…
Prayer: Lord, we look to you with our frailties and foibles. For your love and understanding and compassion. Thank you! In Jesus’ name. Amen.